The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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