Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
