If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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