is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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