whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
