He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize