No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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