hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
