I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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