I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
