Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize