the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
