Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
