Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
