Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
