I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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