Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
