Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
