Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
