You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
