I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize