I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
