I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize