You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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