Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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