What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
