sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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