yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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