I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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