it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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