the day after is always just damage control
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
