Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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