I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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