Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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