it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
