You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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