420 ftw
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
