He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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