I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
