Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
