In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
