i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
