Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
