I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
