Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
