You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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