I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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