Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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