omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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