Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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