Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
