I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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