Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
