The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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