Just cropdusted the office
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
