So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
