Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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