Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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