I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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