You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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