i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
