I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
