im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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