your thong is hanging out like whoa
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
