Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
