Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
