No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize