I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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