I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've blown a few things in my day
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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