I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
