There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
