I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I forget how to act sober
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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