I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
