Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
two words: eviction party
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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