yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
