All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
