So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
