so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
