I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
