please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize