Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
