just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
