Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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